What Are the 10 Habits of Happy Couples?

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Having a happy healthy relationship takes time and commitment.As professionals in marriage counselling in Brisbane we find that when it comes to happy couples, there are 10 habits to cultivate:

  1. Do Things Together

Couples that play together stay together. Regularly do some fun things together. Consider organizing a regular date night.

  1. Have Common Interests

After the initial high of your romance has subsided, it is often found that you do not have a lot in common. Find an interest that you both enjoy. It is also important to take time for yourself to do things that you like to do. This makes you a happier and more interesting person, which is great for your relationship.

  1. Be Trusting

Trust is important in a relationship. Have faith in your partner and do not bring up old arguments and grievances. Be quick to forgive. Couples counselling in Brisbane can help with any trust issues in your marriage.

  1. Go to Bed at The Same Time

It can be easy to fall into a pattern of going to bed at different times. To maintain a passionate and healthy sex life, go to bed at the same time. Even if you fall asleep and then one partner gets up for a while later, going to bed at the same time will keep the romance alive.

  1. Don’t Go to Bed on An Argument

Stay up and fight!Settle any disagreements before you turn in for the night. Couples counselling in Brisbane can help you to resolve arguments.

  1. Maintain Physical Contact

Hold hands in public, hug often and be affectionate. 

  1. Give Praise

Let your partner know when they do something that makes you happy – not just when they do something wrong!

  1. Contact Each Other During the Workday

Some contact throughout the workday will help you to gauge how each other’s day is going, and gives you both a feeling of closeness. Be sure not to overdo this point – you still need something to talk about when you get home!

  1. Say I Love You

Saying I love you each morning is a great way to start the day.Express your love often.

  1. Show Your Love with Gestures

Show your love by your actions. Thoughtful, loving, gestures speak volumes.

It takes a little effort to make your relationship the best it can be. We hope you find these tips helpful. For couples and marriage counselling in Brisbane contact us today.

How Emotionally Focussed Therapy Can Help Repair Bonds

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Both men and women crave an emotional secure connection. This is being in a true state of love. When couples have this bond, they are emotionally dependent on each other for soothing, nurturing and safety.

Emotionally focussed couples therapy(EFT) can help you to strengthen this bond. We are wired to need emotional contact and support from our partners. This force is the survival response that an infant seeks from their mother. The same need never goes away as we enter adulthood.

The human brain sees physical and emotional isolation as dangerous. Once we have a safe connection to our partner, we can weather the storms that a relationship will inevitably bring.

Primal Emotions

Losing the close bond with our partner can give us a huge sense of insecurity. The primitive emotions of fear and panic can set in. We can quickly act on this – lashing out verbally or taking action in other ways that are destructive to the relationship.

Communication and Expression

We can become disconnected from our partner when we do not understand each other’s needs. Work commitments, raising children, differences of optionand the inevitable stresses that life brings can lead us to feel neglected and uncared for. Emotional focused therapycan help us to re-form that feeling of love and safety that comes from knowing that our partner is there for us.

Boundaries

Creating healthy boundaries is a fine art. Too many boundaries can lead to disconnection. It is common for a new mother’s attention on a new baby to create a feeling of abandonment in their spouse. One partner working too much can lead to a feeling of neglect in the other. Communicating our needs and feelings, and understanding your partner will bring back that feeling of security.

EFT Couples Therapy

In EFT couples therapy attachment issues are addressed. We work with you to go through the surface emotions, the perceived lack of caring, and the blame and anger that so often come up when there are relationship problems caused by attachment issues.

Emotionally focused couples therapy will allow you to work through any emotional and attachment issues that you may have in your marriage. Our qualified and caring therapists at Something More Counsellingcan help you to redevelop that feeling of love and security.

How Can Couples Counselling Help You

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Every relationship goes through problems. Couples counselling in Brisbane can help you to improve your relationship, whether you are having minor difficulties or at a major crossroads. Couples counselling is beneficial for everyone, and it will greatly increase your bond.

Changing Behaviours

There may be a behaviour that your spouse or partner has that you see is causing problems in your relationship. This may be a parenting issue, an issue with the workload at home, or a number of other circumstances. What is not often seen is how your behaviour and communication styles contribute to the problem.

Communication is Improved with Counselling Services in Brisbane

Communication problems are a common cause of relationship stress. If left unchecked this can lead to major problems in the marriage. Working closely with a qualified therapist will teach you how to communicate effectively and express yourselves. Listening skills are taught so that both parties feel heard.

Taking Responsibility

Both members of the couple need to take responsibility for their relationship. Often in counselling, one or both parties can blame the other and bring up situations where their partner said, or acted in what they feel are inappropriate ways. Our relationship counselling in Brisbane can help you with this.

It is Never Too Early to Go to Relationship Counselling in Brisbane

Our counselling services in Brisbane can help your relationship before problems escalate. Allowing a relationship issue to fester until you are at the stage of separation makes resolving issues more difficult.

Patience

It is important that you relate well to your therapist and trust that you will receive a positive outcome from therapy. Results do not happen instantly! Working on your marriage or relationship takes time and effort. Honesty, trust and commitment are necessary for the counselling process to be effective.

Our trained and experienced therapists can help you to bring up and resolve minor or major issues in your relationship. For more information on our couples counselling in Brisbane contact us at SM Counselling.

Effects of Depression and Anxiety

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Did you know that depression and anxiety are closely related? The effects can be devastating, both for the person suffering from the condition and for their family and friends.

Our counselling services in Brisbane include therapy for anxiety and depression. Both conditions are very common.

Anxiety is the most common mental health condition in Australia with one in four people suffering from the conditions. One in seven people on average suffer from depression in Australia.Nearly three million people in Australia are affected by either anxiety, depression, or both conditions. Only 35% seek treatment.(Information taken from Australian Bureau of Statisticsresearch).

Anxiety

As experts in anxiety counselling in Brisbane we see people with a number of different forms of anxiety including generalised anxiety (GAD), social anxiety, and panic disorder. General anxiety is the most common form of anxiety. Common symptoms of anxiety disorders can include:

  • A feeling of doom and gloom
  • Panic attacks
  • Feeling scared and fearful without a valid reason
  • Becoming irritable and nervous
  • Being constantly tense
  • Incessant worrying

Depression

Depression is a feeling of sadness, however unlike normal sadness it is long lasting. If you have a low mood for a period of longer than two weeks seek the services of a professional.

Depression can include:

  • Constant low mood
  • A lack of interest in day to day activities, particularly those activities that you used to enjoy
  • Irritability
  • Chronic tiredness
  • Changes in appetite
  • Changes in sleep pattern (sleeping too little or too much)
  • Suicidal thought patterns

When you are anxious, stressed, or depressed, the body can switch to flight or fight mode and you may experience physical symptoms. These can include a racing heart, changes in body temperature, headaches and nausea.

Treatment is Available

Depression and anxiety counselling in Brisbane can help. Qualified and experienced therapists can work with you so that you can work with any negative thought patterns and emotional issues. This will help with the physical effects of anxiety and depression as well. Counselling is a very effective form of treatment for depression and anxiety, and over time you will feel more like your old self again.

For more information on our Counselling Services in Brisbane contact us today at Something More Counselling.

Strategies for an Unfaithful Spouse to Recover from an Affair

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After an affair, the pain inflicted on everyone involved is huge. Consider the future of your marriage after an affair, and take all necessary steps to help to heal your relationship and to obtain forgiveness, regain trust and to rebuild your marriage when recovering from an affair.

End Your Affair Permanently

As your counselling services in Brisbane, we recommend that you sever all contact with the other party. Block them from your email accounts and change your telephone number. Ensure that they know that it is completely over. Change jobs or move if necessary.

Accept Full Responsibility for the Affair

Often the emotional infidelity is most difficult for a spouse to deal with. Whatever the reason for your affair, know that there were other choices available. Do not make excuses, and for the time being a focus on your failure to keep promises and the pain that you have caused.

Rebuilding Trust is Vital When Recovering from an Affair

It is up to you to make your spouse feel safe again. When recovering from an affair, be open, and allow your spouse complete access to your phone, computer and passwords so that they can see that nothing is being hidden. Get rid of everything that is a reminder of the physical and emotional infidelity including pictures, emails, and gifts. Be willing to set boundaries in any relationship where your spouse feels insecure.

Define Your Character

Think about the person you want to become, not about things you want, or things you should do. How do you want to tell the story of your marriage and love in future years?

Find Support

An infidelity marks the finish of marriages in a majority of cases. Now more than ever you need a counsellor to help you to rebuild your marriage and obtain your spouse’s forgiveness and trust.

Contact us at SM Counselling Services Brisbane for marriage guidance and support.

How Relationship Counselling Can Help Couples to Resolve Their Fighting

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Many people feel that relationships should be easy, and so may have an unrealistic view of marriage andlong-term partnerships.

Constant fighting canbe very hurtful and destructive to your relationship. Words said can create lasting damage that is not easily resolved.

Problems arise in all relationships, even friendships, and fighting and problems do not mean that there is something intrinsically broken in the relationship.

Communication is the Key

Our relationship counsellor in Brisbane is a neutral party that can go through any issues that are coming up in the relationship. They will make sure that both parties are heard in a comfortable and supportive environment. Our therapists will assist you in looking at the issues in your relationship and clarifying them.You can move forward as a couple and find a clear way to resolve problems.

Relationship Counselling in Brisbane

Our counselling services in Brisbane help you to communicate and solve issues in the relationship in a safe and nurturing environment. This is not a process that involves blame on either party, judgment or forcing people to change.

Expressing Emotions

When you begin our counselling services in Brisbane, some uncomfortable emotions may surface that need to be expressed. This can be difficult and be confronting. Having our therapist to help you, work through these emotions is beneficial and necessary when it comes to resolving to fight between couples.

Break the Pattern of Arguing

The good news is that with help you can learn to stop arguments before they get out of control and ruin your relationship. It is possible to be happy without fighting.

You may feel that you need to end your relationship because of constant disagreements; however, this is not always the case.

Contact us at SM Counselling Services Brisbane for a consultation today. Our relationship counselors in Brisbane are qualified in providing support to couples, families, and individuals.

Grief Counselling for Managing Personal Loss and Adjustment

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When we change something about our lifestyle or ourselves intentionally, the adjustments that we make to adapt to that change are seen as positive. As your grief counsellor in Brisbane, we find that when changes occur that are forced upon us, they are seen as losses. There is a sense of loss of control over our lives.

Types of Personal Loss

At SM Counselling Services Brisbane, we can help you to manage and adjust to the personal loss. The personal loss may be the ending of a relationship or friendship, the loss of a job, the death of someone close to you, illness, financial setback, or any other life-changing event over which you do not have any control and feel a sense of loss and grief.

The Grieving Process

It is important to allow yourself time to grieve for your loss. We can grieve for a variety of reasons at different times in our lives. Grieving is an individual experience, and at times it can feel very lonely. Emotions that you may feel can include disbelief, shock, anger, denial, depression, hopelessness and acceptance.

Managing Personal Loss

• Share your thoughts and feelings with someone close to you or someone you can trust
• Consider our grief counselling services in Brisbane to help you express your feelings in a safe and supportive environment
• Identify your feelings. Say to yourself that I am feeling sad, powerless or angry for example
• Consider other ways to achieve your goals
• Journal about the changes that have occurred in your life and how they fit in with how you see the world as a whole. Consider what is important to you
After a personal loss, you need people who can listen and support you. Remember that everyone grieves in your way. It takes time to heal. Be kind to yourself and seek help to allow you to work through the grieving process and adjust and manage the loss. For information on Grief Counselling in Brisbane, contact us at SM Counselling.

One Person Needs Alone Time and The Other Needs Connection and How This Can Create Couple’s Distress

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In couples there is often the tendency for one of the individuals to need more alone time than the other. At SM Counselling Services Brisbane, we have found this can be frustrating to both parties and creates a sense of anxiety and uneasiness that can cause problems in the relationship.

When life is busy with work, children, and other commitments it is really important to take some time to connect and spend quality time together – without children, friends, or distractions.

When couples spend too much time apart intimacy is bound to suffer in the way of:

  • Lovemaking
  • Affection
  • Understanding your partner
  • Improving your communication skills
  • Problem solving

As in any other area of your life, your relationship needs looking after in order for it to grow and improve, and for your bond with each other to become stronger. While new relationships are given plenty of time and energy, the competing demands of life can impinge on long term romantic partnerships. If you are having difficulties in your marriage, contact our relationship counsellor Brisbane region. Small problems can quickly escalate. Without attention, relationships and marriages can fall apart.

Although simple, some basic planning of alone time for couples will see your relationship strengthen and grow. Consider arranging:

  • A regular date night,
  • A daily ritual where you have at least 10 minutes together to talk. This may be for coffee at breakfast time, a catch up at the end of the day to discuss your day, or taking the dog for a walk;
  • Doing something different to spice up your life. Go hiking, take a cooking class, do a sport together, or go to an amusement park.

Taking time out to be together as well as time to be alone can be a fine balancing act in today’s fast paced world. Some people have a stronger need than others to have their own space. For relationship therapy contact us. We provide expert relationship counselling Brisbane areas.

How to Strengthen the Attachment Bonds Between the Couple to Decrease the Couple’s Distress

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Attachment bonds are created in past relationships. Our early childhood experiences, adolescent relationships and the characteristics of current relationships all affect the attachment style that we hold today. The perception of past experiences in prior relationships influences what happens in our current relationships.

As part of our relationship counselling Brisbane therapy, we use the concepts of attachment theory to understand the difficulties in the couple’s current relationship. We strengthen the bonds of attachment of the couple to decrease the couple’s distress.

When a traumatic event occurs to one or both of the members of the couple we find this form of therapy particularly effective.

Studies have found that:

  • 56% of adults see themselves as being securely attached
  • 25% see themselves as being avoidant in attachment
  • 19% class themselves as anxious or ambivalent

These percentages are very similar to infant figures, which show that our attachment bonds in childhood usually follow through into our attachment bonds in our intimate relationships.

Studies have found that young couples transitioning to marriage became more secure. These couples tended to automatically make more consistent and clear beliefs from their memories and also provide many long term benefits. Secure attachments in such couples have shown that there was no impact on distress levels when stressful events happened to one or both individuals of the couple in the short term.

Highly anxious individuals have more turmoil in their relationships due to their perceived daily conflict in their partnerships. Our marriage counselling Brisbane service uses attachment therapy to increase the bond between couples and decrease distress in the relationship. This is of benefit to many couples, particularly when there is conflict in the relationship or when couples experience problems because of stressful or traumatic life events.

This therapy allows couples to heal and create a lasting bond. We cover topics such as building trust, safety, and intimacy, coping with separation anxiety and loss and forgiveness. Contact us for Couples Counselling Brisbane areas.