THE A.R.E. Questionnaire

Step 1 of 4

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Accessibility

Can I reach you?

Stay open to your partner even when you have doubts and fears
Being willing to make sense of your emotions so they don’t overwhelm you
Stepping back from disconnection and tune in to partner’s attachment cues

Responsiveness

Can I rely on you to respond to me emotionally?

Accepting and placing a priority on the emotional signals from your partner
Sending clear signals of comfort and caring when your partner needs them

Engagement

Do I know you will value me and stay close?

Providing the very special attention we give only to a loved one (touch, gaze at, be involved and emotionally present)

Directions: Read each statement and circle T or F.
You can complete your questionnaire and reflect on your relationship on your own.
Or you and your partner can each complete it and then discuss your answers together.

In your viewpoint, is your partner accessible to you?

I can get my partner’s attention easily.

True

False

My partner is easy to connect with emotionally.

True

False

My partner shows me that I come first with him/her.

True

False

I am not feeling lonely or shut out in this relationship.

True

False

I can share my deepest feelings with my partner. He/she will listen.

True

False

From your viewpoint, is your partner responsive to you?

If I need connection and comfort, he/she will be there for me.

True

False

My partner responds to signals that I need him/her to come close.

True

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False

I find I can lean on my partner when I am anxious or unsure.

True

False

Even when we fight or disagree, I know that I am important to my partner and we will find a way to come together.

True

False

If I need reassurance about how important I am to my partner, I can get it.

True

False